When we lose a loved one, we are faced with the hard test of mourning. To be able to do that and to accept that life goes on, there are certain things to know about this process that follows the death of one of our loved ones. Truths difficult to hear but important to know, especially when it comes to the loss of a parent.
Over time, through hardships and obstacles, our parents have trained, educated, encouraged, supported and especially loved us. We argued with them, we tested their limits, we jostled their feelings but we always went back to them. They are our emotional security, our pillar in case of storm and share our best memories. So when we lose one of them, we lose a lot because that part of us, our identity, goes with them.
Mourning one of our parents is a complicated step in life. So there are some difficult but essential things to know about this upsetting phase; emotional changes we will face:
In general, losing a loved one is particularly upsetting. But when we face the death of one of our parents, we feel a wave of loneliness. How are we going to do without him? Who are we going to ask for advice? Who will support us in case of a hard blow? Loneliness will weigh us down and the feeling of being alone may affect us for a while. In these moments, it should be remembered that even if our parent is no longer physically there, he will always be present in our heart and soul. As Victor Hugo puts it so well: “You are no longer where you were, but you are everywhere I am. “
Our parents guide us with wisdom and support us when life becomes too hard. Thus, following the death of one of them, it is quite normal to be destabilized and not know who we can count on. Over time, we will understand that even if they are gone, their advice , the principles of life and the values they instilled in us are still rooted in us. It will be necessary to draw from our memories to remind us of this as soon as we will need help to advance.
- The lack of energy
In times of mourning, know that energy is completely absent. We feel emptied, powerless to do simple things like eating or drinking. At first, this is normal and you will have to be tolerant towards yourself. However, to heal, it will take a lot of courage and willingness to gradually regain the desire to continue to move forward. If you have difficulties, do not hesitate to get help from a health professional and to tell you about your state of health with people you trust.
- The impossibility of recovering
This is a difficult thing to hear, but it’s very real: you will never really recover from the death of one of your parents. Yet, it is necessary, not to fill it, but to tame the void following this loss. Similarly, once you have accepted the fact that death is an obligatory step in life, try to enjoy every moment on Earth before finding your loved ones on the other side.
Losing a parent means losing some of our landmarks, including emotional landmarks. You will feel insecure but also anger towards people who do not take care of their parents or jealousy of those who still have their parents in their lives. In general, and even if it seems particularly difficult, learn to manage your emotions when you are surrounded. Rather than arguing, bet on wise advice and remind others of the importance of having parents close to you.
When we lose a parent, a loved one, a friend … we inevitably have regrets. It is normal to blame yourself for doing such and such a thing but it is essential to remember that the past can not unfortunately be changed. Do not be too hard on yourself and try to focus on the positive moments you shared with your parent.
The work of mourning is long and trying. In case of loss, it is quite normal to be divided between several emotions and especially, to need time. Take time to recover from this death and live from day to day, until you are ready to consider the future in a more positive way.