Based on two surveys of 350 women published in the scientific journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers have identified no less than six reasons why women simulate orgasms. The most curious is that the reasons differ depending on whether they do it during oral sex or during a penetration.
During a penetration, women mainly simulate for four reasons
- So as not to offend their partner;
- Because they do not feel obligated to have an orgasm;
- To speed things up and the report ends faster;
- To really try to reach an orgasm.
According to Ghislaine Paris, sexologist in Antony, in the Paris region. : “There is an obligation to enjoy, at the risk of passing for a woman neurotic, stuck, abnormal. To show that one does not reach orgasm provokes the fear of feeling devalued.
Reasons for simulation during cunnilingus
The reasons for simulating orgasm during cunnilingus are oddly different.
- They always do it to stimulate themselves and not to offend their partner;
- To avoid the anxiety associated with oral sex (the very intimate nature of this position;
- To look “normal”, rather than revealing the fact that they take a long time to orgasm or even that they can not.
For 60% of women surveyed, the ultimate concern is to prevent their spouse from being unfaithful. “For a man today, to enjoy his partner has become a sign of manhood, says Ghislaine Paris. This is a very narcissistic preoccupation : the man sets himself a goal and is reassured about his abilities when he reaches it. “
Thus, some women fear to trigger a real anxiety in their companion if they fail to orgasm and he realizes it. They therefore make the choice to simulate to reassure him. “Indeed, if the man is anxious and if he doubts his manhood, he will certainly first ask himself questions, but, in a second time, he will tend to project the fault on the other, and to go elsewhere to check his ability to enjoy. “Continues the sexologist.
First and foremost, get rid of the idea that you have to have an orgasm – no matter how long it’s coming or even not coming. Then, remember that there is no “normal” vagina . The idea that it should have such aspect or texture casts a superfluous shadow over what could potentially be a very good time.
So, why are we simulating? Dr. Allan Fenigstein, a professor of psychology at Kenyon College, Ohio, and co-author of this study, says that these findings show that women sometimes find it sensible – or even that it’s a good idea – to simulate an orgasm . Based on the reasons cited above, all related to some form of embarrassment, it would seem that playing comedy is the least embarrassing way, rather than saying, “You know what? It’s wonderful, but I will not do it. Let’s focus on you. “
Instead of simulating and pretending to reach orgasm, it is better to talk to your partner and reassure him about his ability to make you cum.